I believe that this statement is very powerful. When I read this chapter, I began to think of all the students at Madison James Foster and all the students at Robinson that I chat with everyday. I began to realize that just by asking them about their grades or about their day, I am not only investing in their future but I am also building a relationship with them.
Chapter 9 states that the first step to creating relationships with students and even adults is to make the deposits that are the basis of relationships. This chapter lists examples of relationship deposits and withdrawals. They are as follows:
Deposits:
- Seek First to Understand
- Keeping Promises
- Kindness, courtesies
- Clarifying Expectations
- Loyalty to the Student
- Apologies
- Open to Feedback
Withdrawals
- Seek first to be understood
- Breaking Promises
- Unkindness; discourtesies
- violating expectations
- Disloyalty; duplicity
- Pride, conceit, arrogance
- Rejecting Feedback
Do you build relationships with the students at Robinson Elementary? Do you make withdrawals or deposits? If you have a particular relationship with a special student, please share. Don't forget to comment on at least two other posts.
34 comments:
I try to make only deposits with my students. I believe it is crucial for a teacher to develop relationships with their students. If your student doesn't think you care or understand they will not do what you ask or try what you teach. If they don't like you they will not achieve what you ask of them. However, if you invest just a small amount in a student they will most often give you the best they can. This is especially true of those "difficult" students. I can tell you something about each of my kids likes, dislikes, or personalities. However, I know the most about that one "special" student. I know what triggers him and what calms him.
H. Gasper
Heather,
I know that you are speaking from experience. You really do deposit into the emotional banks of your students.
Nicole Dodson
I have noticed in many instances that if a child does not like his teacher, there is absolutely no learning taking place. The child usually exhibit distruptive behavior. So, creating relationshhips between the student and adult that make emotional deposits in the relationships is much needed. I try to respect each student and expect the respect be reciprocated. We all have our differences. As a young adult, I often tried to help the so called "underdog". These are students whom I felt had potential yet exhibited strong defenses, and as a child I befriended the child no one else wanted to associage with. I felt their pain.
Augustine
Heather, I, too,try to deposit into the emotional bank of students, especially those who try harder to succeed.
Augustine Cann
Good and positive student relationships are important, Therefore, making deposits are essential. One of my most effective student relationships today is with a current 6th grade student whom I've known for about 4years and much of what I'd heard about her were negative comments. Showing kindness, being courteous, giving positive and negative feedback when applicable, and especially, listening to her and letting her know that I heard her have proven to be special traits that enhanced our relationship as teacher/student and adult/child.
Evory Johnson
Yes, Ms. Gasper, If your student doesn't think you care or understand they will not do what you ask. Also, students can be difficult and knowing what sets him/her off or calms him/her down are necessary tools.
Evory Johnson
Making deposits into the emotional banks of students is essential. Thanks-you both Ms. Gasper and Mrs. Cann.
Evory Johnson
Relationships carry into the positive classroom environment. When students feel comfortable and accepted, they are more willing to learn. I have heard that some teachers don't believe that they should have to develop a relationship with their students. In these classrooms, there is total chaos. The students begin to be rebellious and learning does not take place in this environment.
While talking to parents at the beginning of the year, I let them know that I treat my students as if they were my own, and I keep my word on that. Just as I have high expectations from my own child, I keep these expectations for my students as well. I make it a point to at least have a small conversation with each student. Our students want us to be involved and to know something about them, all we have to do is listen.
When I first started working as a paraprofessional in special services, I had a parent tell me that her child never wanted to come school until another teacher and I started working there. She told me that she had no idea what it was but he was willing to come to school and do his work. In the end, he said that being in special education was enough, but having teachers that don't care about them one way or the other gives them nothing to work for. He said that we were the first people to work with him that cared if he "got it".
I carry that message to this day... The struggles of poverty is enough for our students. Building a positive relationship with them along with the expectations that are set causes them to reach for the stars.
Janitra Jackson
Ms. Gasper,
You are right! You must know your students. We know what buttons should and should not be pushed. Each class has at least one "special student". The only way to know them is to get to know them.
Janitra Jackson
Mrs. Cann,
I like how you stated the "underdog" situation. The "underdog" as you put it, is the one that needs to most. In order to be an asset to them, that relationship must be in place. I find it funny how some of our students only respond well to a few teachers. The reason is, they have attached a positive element to the view of that teacher. I had a student come to me this year that I saw last year as a student who always stayed in trouble. I didn't know why until this year. As this student, a lot of them feel that all the cards are stacked against them, resulting in them being the "underdog". Some of them want attention and may act out in order to get it. If we have a positive relationship with them where they are getting the attention anyway, the frequency of the acting out lessens. With positive guidance and relationships, they can come out of the underdog status.
Janitra Jackson
Each day I pray to the my Father that I might in some way be an inspiration to my students. I love to laugh with my students. I love to cry with my students. Yes, we cry. I tell my students upfront that we are a family. I am overjoyed when I have a student out for an illness and as soon as he/she walks through the door, the students tell him/her, "Welcome back." Those little things mean a lot to the returning child. It shows that the students are compassionate. To be a beacon of light is what I want to deposit in all my students. They understand that the road gets rough and discipline will take place, but at the same time, they know that I care about their well-being.
Ms. Gasper, I think we can all attest to having that "special" student. Some of us might have to pluralize the phrase. But in our families, we have "special" members. On our jobs, we have "special" collegues. In this world, we have "special" people. I think that is what makes us all unique, and that is what keeps us all going. Thanks Ms. Gasper for being a beacon of light.
Ms. Jackson, Ms. Johnson, and Ms. Cann, you are so right about developing positive relationships with your students. One thing that I have noticed is that students base their relationships, just as we do, on trust. If they feel that they can trust you, they will bond with you easily. If they feel the slightest hint of deception or mistrust, they are through with you. I learned to listen to both sides of a story in my classroom, even if I have already ruled a verdict in my head. Giving students the opportunity to be heard is priceless to them, even if they know doggone well that they're lying and that they're still going to get in trouble.
Yes, I do build relationships with my students at Robinson Elementary. I make deposits on a daily basis, not only with my first grade students, but with older students also. I try very hard to make deposits with the parents and students. I have children that were in my classroom four years ago that I still have a great relationship with them and their parents. The parents will send other parents to me to talk about grades and school just to get my opinion. I listen, share and encourage each one to do their very best in school and out. We all have bad days, just do not let your one bad day influencea child's life in a negative way.
Heather
I also try to give something of myself to each and every child. Some respond stronger than others, but I keep on until I have a good relationship with each of them. I also try to know what makes them happy or what sets them off.
Mrs. Cann
I agree with you on befriending the underdog. I usually can pick them out quicker than the rest. I will try things with this student to get his participation in the classroom that other students give freely. This year I have one that is testing all of my tricks, but I will not give up on hime or the class. Maybe after a week off he will be more receptive (ha,ha). I have formed a relationship with him, but I want more positive coming out of him instead of all the negative.
Ms. Neal, Ms. Jackson,and Mrs. Hernadez, you all seem to have a lot of love and concern for your students. I can tell a lot of learning is taking place in your classrooms. The relationships you are fostering will take a student a long way. Believe me they will remember it.
Augustine Cann
Lori I agree that it is important to not only make deposits to the kids in your class, but also to make deposits of other students and even parents in the school.
H. Gasper
Mrs. Johnson isn't it amazing to see that labeled child succeed for you. That is a wonderful statement to you and the deposits you make into her life.
H. Gasper
Relationships are important to everyone but especially children and even more so by children from poverty. Many times people or situations at home are depleting their “tanks”, leaving them frustrated, discouraged, etc. Words of affirmation, quality time & attention, consistency, and a genuine interest in them go such a long way to filling their emotional “tanks”. Knowing that someone is sincerely concerned about them and actually cares, will support them now and on into their future.
Karen Holland
Yes, Miss Gasper! It is so rewarding to see the results of your positive emotional deposits with your students, especially so with that “difficult” student. You have been a fine example to me with that particular student that we share. I hope to learn more and more from you concerning this particular situation.
Karen Holland
Ms. Neal mentions trust. If our students don’t trust us, there will be no learning, no success in the classroom. By being consistent, concerned, and involved, you can earn their trust easily. These relationships are soo vital to their success in AND out of the classroom.
Karen Holland
This one is very important. As with everything else, you get what you put into it. Students can see and feel when you are genuine. If you take care of the little things (praise, positive reinforcement, feedback)the big things such as discipline and academic achievemeent will soon follow.
I believe that the majority of the teachers here attempt to make good deposits. You don't have to tell everyone how much you do or when you did it. The response from the children is the true litmus test for those who are doing the right thing.
One day we will all leave Robinson. Either to other opportunities or retirement. At the end of your tenure all you will have left is memories. By making positive deposits, others will be left with good memories of you.
Yes, I do build relationships with my students and try to make only deposits. I can joke with my students (as they say crack on), cry, laugh, etc. It lets them know that I am human and I do care. When students feel comfortable in the classroom they are more eager to learn and look forward to learning.
DeWanna Granger
I agree with you Mr. Watson. One day we will leave Robinson and all we will have are memories. I would hope that we have good memories that we can smile at and be blessed that we chose education.
DeWanna Granger
Making deposits is so important. To some children we are the only deposits they get a day.
DeWanna Granger
I agree with Ms. Gasper. I try to make only deposits with my students. You will be surprised what they will do for you when they know you care.
I also agree with Mrs. Cann. If a student thinks a teacher does not like him/her you can see them shut down. No matter what is going on in that classroom, they do not want to be a part of it. I know that we all have "difficult" students, but I try to find something special about that child and make comments on it. No matter how difficult that child is, you will begin to see effort being put forth.
I really try to make good deposits with my students. I try to find something positive to say each day. Often I have previous students come by to say hi, and I still try to ask how school is going or about sports or something. To me, I think this lets them know that they were not forgotten the year they left my class. I try to keep the relationship so that they will know that their teacher cared.
I have always felt that teachers, principals, and other people associated with a school should take an interest in their students outside of school. Over the years, I have went to programs that my students have been involved in, went to football and basketball games that my students have participated in, taken students to the mall to the movies, among other things. Students need to see that you care about them, and this is how I show them. Yes, I get paid to see you everyday at school and teach you. This is my job. This is what I am paid to do. However, it is not my job to show up at something that my students are doing outside of school. By doing this small act, I am showing them that I care. Sad to say, a lot of their parents fail to show up to support them.
Glenn Antonio Kline
We all build relationships with our children, whether we mean to or not. This again comes down to being the person that we want them to be! I make tons of mistakes, but one thing I am proud of is that I can always ask any of my students if I respect them, and they always say yes. I apologize and explain when I lose my cool, and I let them see that I face frustrations and disappoints just like they do. I pray every morning that God will allow me to be an instrument to help these children. I hope that one day, I can look back and now that I took care of my Lord's children, just as me trusted me to do. (good grief, I'm tearing up again!)
Although I have tried not to, it is impossible to teach and not build a relationship with at least one child. I try to make deposits in my students on a regular basis. The easiest for me it when they learn I have previously taught a sibling, friend or relative. It allows them to trust me a little more. I cruise the mall sometimes on Saturdays because I know that's their hang out. I tell them I go so I can make sure they are behaving and look appropriate. I talk to them about my life and my family so the can see that I am human just as they are. But, at the same time I ensure to set boundaries so they know we are not "friends". I still maintain their respect.
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