Chapter 7 Summary:
- Students from poverty need to have at least two sets of behaviors from which to choose-one for the street and one for the school and work settings.
- The purpose of discipline should be to promote successful behaviors at school.
- Teaching students to use the adult voice (the language of negotiation) is important for success in and out of school and can become an alternative to physical aggression.
- Structure and choice need to be part of the discipline approach.
- Discipline should be seen and used as a form of instruction.
The beginning of this chapter described the mother as the "Keeper of the Soul." What do you think this means? Have you found this statement to be true? How does the mother impact discipline in her household or does she?
Please post and comment on two other posts.
38 comments:
I believe mom to be the "keeper of the soul" because whether she is in a sigle or two parent home, she is the "heart" of the family. Normally, mom gives love, support, care, advise, discipline, and forgiveness to her brood. Usually, mom's approach to discipline involves structure and steering the child often towards making the proper choice. Mom is uaually the choice to discuss any given positive or negative situation. For me, mom was accessible because dad was most often at work. She was the easy listener who doled out discipline which was unique to the situation. In so many families, mom is the defense attorney, judge, jury, and if need be,the warden. She also, offers pardons and suspends sentences. Mom is the example that shows the child the art of negotiating.
Evory Johnson
This concept is hard for me to understand. I come from a middle class home which was the patriarchal family structure. My dad was in charge of the discipline. However, I have seen this to be true in my class. I have only had one student whose mom told me I should probably call the dad first. Most of the time if I call a dad he says to call the mom or he will tell the mom. If you tell most of our students that you will be calling their mom you can tell that upsets them.
H. Gasper
I love your explanation Mrs. Johnson. Mothers do play several roles. In single parent families the mom usually plays them all. What a daunting thought. How overwhelming that must be for some of our kids moms.
H. Gasper
I really would have to agree with Heather. In my household, mom may have been the "keeper of the soul" but daddy was the keeper of the belt. It just kind of worked out like that in my family. I grew up in a lower middle class family. It just seemed that daddy was the one who made all of the decisions. It seems different in a family of poverty and also in the families of the students of Robinson.
Nicole Dodson
I believe what is meant by this term is that the mother is the emotional bedrock of the family. In contrast, the father is the disciplinarian. Many of our students do not have both parental units in the home, but does that not excuse them from accepting the responsibility of discerning wrong and right.
Mrs. Johnson, your comments hit the mark. AS I was growing up, I grew up in a home with both of my parents and they were easily accessible to me, but my mother normally was the one that handled the day to day operations of the house. My father was always there, but his role was primarily that of disciplinarian. If things could not be handled in the "lower court" by my mom, my father acted as the Supreme Court and exacted the ultimate judgment.
I personally believe that it is extremely difficult for many educators to understand a matriarchal family if they did not experience it during their childhood. With that being said, I believe it is in our best interest as teachers at Robinson to do our best to understand the population we instruct and the norms and mores that define their culture.
Mother- "Keeper of the Soul"
In today's society the mother is put in a high position where all decisions are made by her. Now it seems that you can relate the mother of the house to be the "ruler" of the house. I find the "Keeper of the Soul" in terms of the mother to be true. Because of the battles that women have had to face through the years, mothers have now taken on a new role.
Mrs. Gasper,
I can see why this concept may be difficult to understand, but I guess my upbringing goes along with this topic. I came up in a two parent middle class home that was matriarchal. My mother was the disciplinarian. I was like your students: If you called my mother I would get very upset. My father would let a lot of things slide. I think the reason this occurred is because of the structure of our family, I am the youngest of three girls.
Although we grew up in middle class in a two parent household, my mother seemed to handle everything.
Mr. Watson,
I agree that we need to understand the norms of the matriarchal family. I stated in an earlier post that I was raised in middle class in a two parent household, but in a matriarchal family. I thought it was the "norm" until I heard my peers tell their stories. My dad was very involved, but all decisions were made by my mother.
On another note, being a single mother myself, I have to consider myself as "Keeper of the Soul". However, I wouldn't consider this to be overwhelming. Being a single mother while living in poverty is what causes it to be overwhelming. Alot of our mothers living in poverty are not aware of the resources that could be available to them, thus causing them to be overwhelmed.
Janitra Jackson
Growing up, my mother was the "keeper of the Soul". As far as the children were concerned, she held the most powerful position. She made sure we were fed, clothed, did our chores, homework, encouraged us to find ways to make money for things we wanted, and make good grades in school. Oh yes, she was the disciplinarian. My dad seldom disciplined us. When he did, it was usually something terrible.
We had to be respectful especially to our teachers and elders. It was expected of us, or there would be consequences.
Augustine Cann
Janitra, yes being a single parent living in poverty can be overwhelming especially if she is not informed of the resources available to her. Can you even imagine how overwhelming it would be if there were 5-7 children living in poverty with no father figure in the children's life ever?
Augustine
Heather, the task of being the keeper of the soul can be so overwhelming, nevertheless many single parents have made sure their children received what they didn't have. It is always their dream that their children have a better education and better life in general.
Augustine
Thanks Ms. Jackson, I agree. In today's society, a mothers has taken on a new role, several new roles.
Evory Johnson
Yes, Ms. Gasper, The thought of a single parent home may be overwhelming for some but such a reality for so many others and although a parent may be absent for whatever reason, good, positive, moral values are important in so many single parent homes. Also, for whatever reason, some children can't miss what they've not known. Perhaps a single parent is all they've ever had.
Evory Johnson
After reading the comments, I had to laugh. Both of my parents were strong disciplinarians. I had one older sister and two younger (twin) brothers. I learned vicariously. I watched my sister and brothers make mistakes and I knew what not to do. Hence, my whippings were few and far in-between. I fear, and still fear, both my parents out of respect. But I also knew which one would go soft on me if I did mess up. Yes, cunning, I know. But hey, I was the middle child. What do you expect? Anyway... a mother being the "keeper of the soul" is a deep phrase. It almost has a spiritual undertone. If you view some of the sitcoms in the 70's and 80's, the mother was truly the "keeper of the soul". I think of television shows such as What's Happening, Good Times, That's My Mama, and Gimme a Break (although Nell Carter was not the mother). In all these early sitcoms, the mother was the "keeper of the soul". The mother was the one who provided and shared peace, warmth, love, hugs, and tears. I think at Robinson, many of our students are faced with this now. The mother provides the peace, love, tears, etc. Even if the father is around, he is the last resort for correction. I can understand why, though. I would much rather have my mother discipline me than my father just because of the authoritative sound of his voice. And in my dad's case, the loud sound of his short whistle, which meant, "ENOUGH! YOU DON'T WANT ME TO STEP IN AND HANDLE IT".
After reading the comments, I had to laugh. Both of my parents were strong disciplinarians. I had one older sister and two younger (twin) brothers. I learned vicariously. I watched my sister and brothers make mistakes and I knew what not to do. Hence, my whippings were few and far in-between. I fear, and still fear, both my parents out of respect. But I also knew which one would go soft on me if I did mess up. Yes, cunning, I know. But hey, I was the middle child. What do you expect? Anyway... a mother being the "keeper of the soul" is a deep phrase. It almost has a spiritual undertone. If you view some of the sitcoms in the 70's and 80's, the mother was truly the "keeper of the soul". I think of television shows such as What's Happening, Good Times, That's My Mama, and Gimme a Break (although Nell Carter was not the mother). In all these early sitcoms, the mother was the "keeper of the soul". The mother was the one who provided and shared peace, warmth, love, hugs, and tears. I think at Robinson, many of our students are faced with this now. The mother provides the peace, love, tears, etc. Even if the father is around, he is the last resort for correction. I can understand why, though. I would much rather have my mother discipline me than my father just because of the authoritative sound of his voice. And in my dad's case, the loud sound of his short whistle, which meant, "ENOUGH! YOU DON'T WANT ME TO STEP IN AND HANDLE IT".
Ms. Johnson, your comment was so soothing. I think your comment epitomizes what every mother should strive to be and hope to be.
Mr. Watson, in answering your question, I dare not say that because some of our students are reared in a single parent home, they should be exonerated. Usually in those type of units, good behavior and knowing right from wrong are stressed because the mom does not have time to leave work and come to the school to discipline the child. And if she has to, the child already knows the outcome. He or she, in most cases, will start crying before you even pick up the telephone to dial mom's work number. But, there are exceptions. I do have some students in my class who seem to be "raising themselves" and their younger sibling(s). As sad as it may seem, it's reality.
I believe that in the poverty children their moms are "the keeper of the soul." She is the one who dispenses the judgement, determines the amount and price of penance, and offers forgiveness. Yes, I have seen this to be true in our children at Robinson. The mother makes a strong impact for the few minutes that is needed, and the child responds quickly, but once she is gone or walks away the child reverts back to what they were doing before she came. Very few seemed to change for a long period of time.
Heather
I also grew up in a middle class family where the father was the disciplinary person. We could do something in the middle of the day, and our Mom would say your dad will get you when he gets home. ( He alway would to, even if we forgot Mom did not.)
Mrs Johnson,
I agree that a mom's roll is never ending. As a single mom of two daughters, I was everything I had no choice. Today they are grown and living their own lives, and have thanked me for being one of many people while they were growing up. That was a nice revelation that they even noticed.
Mrs. Cann I love the explanation that it is daunting but a mother's dreams for her children can keep her going. I can understand that.
H. Gasper
Being a single parent most of my children's lives, I must say I am the most powerful person in the home and the keeper of their souls. I send down judgment as if I am God, when I choose to forgive everybody forgives. I have found this statement to be very true. I believe that discipline begins in the home and then it is spread abroad. A mother impacts discipline by setting rule and consequences. If and when a rule is broken the mother has to be consistent with the consequence. When there is no discipline in the home teachers can tell.
Cleoria Dunn
I agree with Mrs.Johnson, moms' are bionic. They have a double set of eyes and ears. Their arms are extra long when it comes to hugs.
I agree with Mrs. Cann, mom handed out love,but she demanded that you respected everyone.
Cleoria Dunn
Until I read this chapter, I was not aware of the parent voice vs. the adult voice. It is very obvious to me now that the parent voice can invoke anger and/or resentment or frustration simply because of how it’s interpreted by some of our students from poverty. The term “language of negotiation” is perfect since the adult voice is non-judgmental and neutral. I have never intended to come across negatively but now I’m sure I probably have at some time. This will serve me well in the future and help to promote more successful behavior in class and at school.
Karen Holland
Mrs. Johnson, you are so right! I was very fortunate to grow up in a home with both of my parents who were readily available other than my father working during the day. Mom was most often the one that handled the everyday function our home. My father was there, but he was mainly in charge of discipline. If Mom didn’t feel she could address things appropriately, or they were “too serious”; my dad would have the final say so as to punishment, which was usually “THE JIFFY SLIPPER”. The words “Bring me my Jiffy slipper!” still bring bad memories today. :o)
Karen Holland
Miss Gasper is right in that a single parent home may be overwhelming for some. I didn’t realize how much help and support I was receiving from my ex-husband even though it felt like he was never really there. Once we separated and divorced, I was thrown out there on my own. It was hard and continues to be hard for us. A single mom shoulders ALL of the responsibility and makes all of the decisions and just prays that they are the right ones. I was fortunate to have a good support system in my parents livel locally, but for many others there is just that single parent, alone. Whatever they do they must strive to provide good, positive, moral values and pray the children learn from that example. Mrs. Johnson is right. The children can’t miss what they’ve never known. Perhaps a single parent is all they've ever had.
Karen Holland
"Keeper of the Soul". This is such a true statement. Growing up my mom played several roles including displinarian. Man, she could give some mighty hard spankings. Ouch! My dad was laid back. It was kinda weird because we always feared my dad so we always tried staying on his "good side". I never knew why we feared him because he wouldn't hurt a sole. Like Mr. Watson said, many of our students do not have both parents and it is our job to be strong displinarians at school.
DeWanna Granger
A wonderful comment Mrs. Johnson.
DeWanna Granger
Mrs. Cann
You are very right. I do see many parents want to see their children have & become the things that they didn't have the luxory of.
DeWanna Granger
I agree with Mrs. Johnson's comments regarding the role of mother. She is the one, many times, who is the heart of the family.
I also agree with Ms. Gasper. I too came from a middle class family where my dad was the one who handed down discipline. Don't get me wrong, my mother did also, but when it came to really dishing it out, my dad was the one.
As far as my students go, I find that many times it is mom who is the "keeper of the soul". When students know I am calling Mom or will have an opportunity to see her they become very remorseful for what they have done. I have seen some of the biggest boys break down and cry when they know Mom is coming for them.
I disagree with the author to a point. I grew up in poverty, and when I did something that I wasn't supposed to do, my mom or great-grandfather disciplined me so that I wouldn't that type of behavior again. There was no penance or forgiveness involved. They wanted to change that behavior, and I must say, they did a good job. I didn't like getting spankings. I do agree that children of poverty need to be taught two sets of behaviors from which to choose. They need to be taught how to behave at school or at work and on the streets. I feel that discipline should be firm, fair, and consistent when dealing with children, especially children of poverty. Most of these children don't have any type of structure in their lives, and they desperately need it. When I was growing up, I got discipline at home, in church, and at school. I was raised by people in my community, and I am a better person because of it. Somewhere along the line, we as a nation has gotten away from that concept.
Glenn Antonio Kline
Mom makes the rules- and determines most of any opinions her children will have of everything. On every level, the mom is usually the one who keeps it together: she raises the kids when dad leaves; she figures out how to get money without the help of the dad; she nourishes, teaches, loves, disciplines, and molds her children's view of the world and everything in it. Instead of "keeper of the soul", I think what would be more accurate is that she represents the values and virtues that we as Christians have.
I do believe the mother is the keeper of the soul because it is her role to be the nurturer of the family. In a dual parent home, generally the father is in charge of the discipline and the mother provides the reassurance. Many times she is the mediator of the family. But, in the single parent home she must do both. She disciplines while at the same time provides support and encourangement. As a mother, our focus in on the child not always the act.
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